Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
