So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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