You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just gargled with NyQuil
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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