Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
