I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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