Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
