Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cockslap morals
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
