Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
