I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
