Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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