I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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