there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
