"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dignity is for republicans.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
