Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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