just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
