how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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