my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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