well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
