so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
