it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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