I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize