Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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