i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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