it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
