It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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