he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
