I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
