FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize