Reggie can tackle my bush.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
