Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
