the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
