so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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