So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
