I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
