I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize