i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize