operation harelip BJ is a go
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
