Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
