i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
