i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just cropdusted the office
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
50% drunk capacity currently
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
