Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
