Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
