Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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