I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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