i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
