I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
