I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
