and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize