somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
