I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
