I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
