I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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