thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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