what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
