I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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