I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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