she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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