Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
