i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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