I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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