I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
