dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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