She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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