the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Shame - the story of my life.
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