i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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