I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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