I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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